Now, I could give into my mom and sister’s evaluation that I jumped to early, but I knew that my options for buying were going to be much harder without the big job.I was glad I had a home, but I collapsed into a summer of hardship as I struggled to find work again.I think we’re going to need to see other people.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, I’m paying for everything, I don’t like your music that much, and we never agree on where to go eat these days, so… “I will not bring this divorce full-force into this house until our kids have finished this year in school.” She was not happy. And fuck if I was going to give her the house, just like that. Well, that’s AFTER you get over the fact that this person has decided to bet against you.I think we might need to take a break.” We both cracked up The resonance, however, with the conversation I had last night as my “friend” was blowing up at me at the “hi-how-ya-doin” moment of our date night. She used ideas like “trial separation” as enticements. I was the survivor of a horrible divorce, when my parents started the kid wars that became my life. I guess…I did not move out until the kids were done with school. Knowing I was toast, that my wife was unreachable, and that I was more of a ghost dad than a dad. In the end, that’s what happened, she got the house, as my real estate friend who was experienced in several divorces said she would. But in many ways, as June arrived and the kids completed their semester in elementary school, I suffered mightily for my decision. And suddenly you are left alone (and in my case homeless) to fend for yourself.When things got really bad is when I actually missed a full payment. And our “conversations” devolved into sometime resembling this exchange. I have some prospects, but nothing has come through.” HER: Silence.ME: “I think we should talk about the kids summer plans.” HER: “When will you have the next payment? And that’s how the communications between us, that had been positive and kid-focused, got off track.I was blessed with the presence of my 11-yo daughter, who is just about full-on irritated with me at this point. Maybe it’s motivation to get a job and get back into the swing of paying for her vacations with the kids. I can plan, strategize, and keep meeting with my talky doctor, but to say I’m bulletproof heading towards summer would be a fool’s dream. I am a bit sad just now, thinking about how hard the past three summers have been. For some great turn of the calendar, this coming weekend is a magic “fifth.” And what that does, if you don’t know, is set up the double-weekend.“Right on schedule,” I said to her, as she rolled her eyes at me for the 15th time this morning. And I’m not sure she would’ve fired off the final “Press Charges” missile had she known her actions would damage my ability to pay her the money she was demanding. (Sorry, that was bitter and sarcastic.) I’m sure she was just sending me happy pictures along with her happy thoughts of me getting that next big job. Maybe that was even the unconscious reason she divorced me. Okay, so I stayed and now I have my badge of honor and my heart-on-sleeve righteousness. As we navigated sleeping in separate rooms and getting the kids ready for school, and coordinating the details of running a family. I was depressed beyond belief, I was hardly functional, but hey, we’d done it. I am also strong, rebuilt, and reoriented towards health, fitness, and being a great parent. In the SPO (standard possession order) those are the weekends the typical dad gets his kids. So I’m not saying she’s not being a good mother, but I do think our priorities are different. But in doing so, I lost the heart of why I was in a relationship. They “might,” it’s possible, but it’s like waiting for the alcoholic to stop drinking.
And they have grabbed a wicked sense of humor from me. I’m hoping that her AG action did not put a “do not hire” mark in my file. Anyway, it’s a long road back to having a BIG CORP job and a happy home. | 1 Comment »When the proverbial shit hit the fan, and she had fully articulated that she wanted a divorce, that she had gone to see an attorney to understand her “options,” that even our therapist had shown his doubts about our survivability, she wanted me to leave. Other than the fact that you want me out, you want to start whatever is next. She was sexing it up within weeks of the divorce papers being filed. I’m trying to take precautionary action this year, before June arrives with it’s regret and memories. Sincerely, March 30, 2013 | Categories: anger, creativity, dad, dating, depression, divorce, hardstuff, holidays, self-care, summer | Tags: declaration of war, divorce, just leave the house, leave the house, so we're getting a divorce, telling the kids, waiting for summer | 1 Comment »One. She would say it wasn’t premeditated, but she was closing down our communication channels for several years as she distanced herself from intimacy with me. When that wasn’t offered, I was desperate to stay together until things got better. And then there’s the slip or exit.)So within weeks of the finalization of our divorce she was leaving the kids with a sitter to have sex with a repair man in another city. Yes, the word REBOUND came screaming up at me when I heard about it. In many ways she had moved on and was all ready to GET IT ON with someone else.
And in the loss, my kids and my mom and I have gotten very close.